One of my favorite Christmas songs is on the CD Home for Christmas by Amy Grant. The song is, “Grown-Up Christmas List.” The words of the chorus sum up so many of my own personal sentiments that I often sing along and turn up the volume.
“No more lives torn apart that wars would never start and time would heal all hearts. Everyone would have a friend and right would always win and love would never end. This is my grown-up Christmas list.”
Many of us find these words especially difficult if we have just lost someone we love, and our hearts feel like they will never heal. So, my friends here is my grown-up Christmas and New Year’s list for any of you who have just had your heart ripped apart by a loss…
- I pray that you will put your “game-face” on if you feel like you must, but if you don’t feel like you want to, please honor that.
- Let self-care be your gift to yourself and don’t feel guilty – you have no energy for that!
- Know that you will learn a lot of things as you journey through your grief and that they are not all bad.
- Accept that this journey is longer than you might want it to be but it will show all that you NEED to know.
- Try not to dread the New Year – the worst that can happen already has – why not just accept that there will be good and bad but stay alert to the good?
- Be bold in your response to people who are inappropriate or hurt you in any way – the people who will stay on your contact list will survive it, and those who don’t will probably grow distant anyway.
- Surround yourself with loving, supportive friends and family who aren’t afraid of your tears, your stories and saying your loved ones name.
- Know that grief changes everything. If this years Christmas or New Year celebrations are a bust, you will probably have more. So spend them the way YOU want to – you have just lived through a horrendous, stressful time. Your body, mind and spirit need your tender care.
This is my Grown-Up Christmas List for you the bereaved. My prayer for you is that small threads of peace and joy begin to weave themselves through the holes in your heart in the days and months to come.
Greet Grief 
Great post, Kath. I love all the bulleted items, especially “be bold in your response to people who are inappropriate or hurt you in any way – the people who will stay on your contact list will survive it, and those who don’t will probably grow distant anyway.” So much time is wasted on wanting to be nice to people who aren’t. Bravo to anyone who can take that to heart and act on it. And of course all the rest of the points are right-on, too. Love you. Merry Christmas!!
Thank you Jill! Yes, during crisis filled times in our lives we need to remember that being bold is not about being hurtful but rather being strong enough to ask for what we need and learning that self-care is not a curse but a blessing! Back to you with love.
This is truly a wonderful post, full of wisdom. Thanks.
Wisdom should always be gained while traveling though life’s triumphs and tribulations shouldn’t it? Glad you appreciate what I have picked up – grateful for your support!
One probably picks up more through the tribulations which is something I don’t quite understand.
Understanding most of it is beyond me, but I do believe that has been true for me.
I reckon we’re completely at one about the level of understanding! Here’s hoping for year where we learn from highs rather than lows!
I am with you on that one – maybe the greeting should be “Happy High New Year?”